You Might Be A Redneck if >>
You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
Anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.
You've never paid for a haircut.
For a good time, you go nuts at the local Auto Zone.
If you time a trip by how many beers you can drink.
You sell rabbits out of your car.
Your flashlight holds more than 4 batteries.
Stealing road signs is a family outing.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
If you clean your house with a waterhose.
Your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
The trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.
Your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
You can't schedule a family reunion until after the parole board meets.
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
At your wedding all the relatives could sit on either side of the aisle.
Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
If you think pro fisherman Babe Winkleman And Bill Dance are gods.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your family business requires a lookout.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You get your oil changed by your barber.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
You hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You have a tattoo that says, "Born to bag groceries."
You think safe sex is when the participants are married to each other.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
Your yard has ever been the proposed site for a landfill.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba.
Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--.
If you've ever financed a tattoo..(three more payments and this son of gun is mine!!)
Your Junior and Senior Prom had a day care.
If your mother has more chest hair than your father.
You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
You grow your sideburns longer & fuller because it looks so good on your sister.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.
You think "recycling" means going home from work.
You walk into a restaurant with a toothpick in your mouth.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
On your honeymoon you leave the driving to Greyhound.
Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
If you think putting screens on your house's windows would just impede your aim.
You have to mow your driveway.
You think state employees make too much money.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
Your mom has ever been in a fistfight at a school sporting event.
Your mother gives you tips on how to sneak liquor into sports events.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You think that megabytes is a good day fishing.
If all four tires on your truck are differnt sizes.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired" people.
Bikers back down from your momma.
You haul more than U-Haul.
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado,
You've ever heckled during a eulogy.
You can't drive your pickup on the highway because it won't clear the overpass.
Your driveway is bordered by half-buried tractor tires.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You write off a radiator as a business expense.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
The Roto-Rooter man comes to your house and asks, "What's that smell?"
You sit on the front porch and shoot deer.
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
If you prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than them..
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a hefty bag on the passenger side window.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
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