You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Your wife's brass knuckles set off the airport security alarm.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
You think toilet water is exactly that.
You get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've never paid for a haircut.
You paint your car with house paint.
You have been hunting on a tractor.
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
The only condiment on the supper room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
If your big toe sticks out of your best pair of socks.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
You think paprika is a third-world country.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
You hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.
You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
You have more than 10 ceramic statues in your front yard.
If directions to your house include turn off the paved road..
You have ever watched an entire infomercial and said, "Hell yeah, I'm gonna get me one of them."
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
You drove to elementary school.
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
Your yard has ever been the proposed site for a landfill.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
There are four pair of pants and three squirrels hanging from your clothesline.
Your junior-senior prom had a daycare center.
You have a cigarette hangin' out of your mouth in your wedding pictures.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight..
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell".
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
There's graffitti on the bathroom wall in your own house
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
Diner may or may not have tire tracks.
If your two year old has more teeth than you do..
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
You're an expert on worm beds.
You can't drive your pickup on the highway because it won't clear the overpass.
You need an estimate from the barber before you get a haircut.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
People hear your car long before they see it.
If you prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than them..
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You hold a frog, and it worries about getting warts.
Your grandma dies and wills you season tickets to the WWF
All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.
You own more than 30 inbred cats.
You refer to your pick-up as "The Love Machine."
If your favorite restaurant has the word "Eats" any where in the name.
You use a '55 Chevy as a guest house.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
The word 'Yup' is a primary word in your vocabulary
Everyone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
Your riches relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You can smoke a cigarette to the end without knocking off the ash.
At your wedding all the relatives could sit on either side of the aisle.
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
If you leave the Christmas lights on your house year round.
If you've ever been too drunk to fish..
You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
You think state employees make too much money.
You can't schedule a family reunion until after the parole board meets.
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Your welcome mat says, "You'd better have a search warrant."
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
The trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.
You're ever been arrested for relieving yourself in an ice machine.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You've ever taken a beer to a job interview.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade..
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You are hit with fear then a strong sense of pride after being asked to sign the back of your payroll check.
You can take your bra off while driving.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Your wife has to shave her moustache more than her legs.
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